I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
