Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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