he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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