we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
