do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
