Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
