The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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