Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
