oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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