so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I fill condoms, not promises.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
