Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
