you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
