You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Fuck appropriateness.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
