how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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