Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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