I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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