Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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