why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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