I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
