soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
