I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
