I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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