just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
