So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
