3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
