im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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