Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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