Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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