I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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