So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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