no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
