He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
