I faked an abortion last night.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
