Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
