eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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