Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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