So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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