At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
