I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
