After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
