My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
