Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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