I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
