Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
