I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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