He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
