You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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