Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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