So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
