I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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