yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
