laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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