Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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