she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
