I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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