This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
