Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
