I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
