so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
