Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We need to rekindle our bromance
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
