Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
