hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
