I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
