I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
